Why We Are Not Potty Training Now Or Ever

When are you going to potty train. Is she potty trained yet? She’s two…How did potty training go?

Hmmm, let’s see. We are not potty training and we do not plan to ever. I do not want to be trained to know when she might need to pee. I don’t want to watch for her cues. Honestly, I don’t want to steam clean a million and one little accidents they, by the way, would be zero her fault. Furthermore I never for a moment want to make her feel like she can’t do something that she has no control over.

Why we do not potty train www.simplymoms.net

So She Is Going To Be In Diapers Forever?

Now I never said that she would not learn to use the toilet. She has been learning since she could walk. She comes in the bathroom with me. We talk about how someday when she is bigger and ready she will also be using the big toilet. We discuss how much toilet paper is ok to use. We learn to wash our hands and dry them. What we don’t do is choose a day and say ok we are potty training.

Why? Because her body and mind need to be ready.

I know, I know after all these diaper changes YOU are ready. We all are. Children learn to potty at all different ages some things need to happen before they can use the potty. Before you can say yes, they are out of diapers. Please, don’t worry they won’t be going to high school with a pack of diapers.

Signs of Readiness 

Telling you they have just peed. (Good)

Telling you they need to pee. (Even better)

Going longer periods with a dry diaper. (Good)

Waking up dry more often. (Better)

Wanting a wet or soiled diaper off right away.

Potty training and the lies you have been told! Come check out tips and truths from a mom of eight. www.simplymoms.net

Skills Needed

Can walk, sit, and stand with no help.

Can follow simple instructions.

Can pull pants up and down.

Can communicate needs and wants.

Has a desire to use the potty like others.

Knows about body functions and has words for them such as poop and pee.

How to not stress over your child going potty. www.simplymoms.net

How We Potty Learn

When they hit most readiness milestones you move from just modeling to talking about how they will someday use the big potty like you.

You can talk about handwashing, bottom wiping, and being clean and dry.

Definitely, show how proud you are for small things such as toilet flushing or sitting on the potty even if nothing happens.

Celebrate each small success until it becomes routine then we tone it down and wait for them to take the next step. Such as from just sitting on the potty to peeing, to pooping and to not wanting diapers)

Celebrating for us is high fives, hugs, and exclamations of “Oh wow you are so good at this!”

We do not take diapers away. We comment about how we wear underwear and how good it feels not need a diaper. When they don’t want them we stop offering and if they want them that’s ok too. Moving to pull ups at this in between stage is not a horrible idea. Diapers made these days also refasten well.

Accidents can and do happen. We clean it up with a smile and say oh well next time you will make it.  Please do not yell and scream.

Please do not yell, scream, hound or nag. This is about giving skills and encouraging.

We talk about when there are no more accidents we will get big girl or boy undies.

The end result will be a child who is in charge of using the potty on their own.

Side Note

**While we start modeling at a young age it is not until the signs of readiness start to appear that we expect any success. When it has happened for us it seems like it happened in a matter of days.  Modeling is simply to accustom a very young toddler to what others around them are doing. Children soak up knowledge and want to please the adults in their life. If it is not a power struggle it never will be.


We do not potty train. We potty learn. Come see why. www.simplymoms.net

I have done this with my last four children and it worked like a charm. We don’t bribe, yell, hit, demand. This is no different than learning to eat, walk or speak. It is a milestone that their body needs to be ready for. Many children do not even develop the muscle control needed until they reach about 18 – 30 months to use the bathroom under their own control. So you would in fact simply be training yourself to watch for cues and make a mad dash with a toddler who might make it, might not or really just won’t go. My method is about readiness, giving them a skill set and encouragement.  Will you give it a go?

Love Jennifer


Updated to include:

I have to apologize because I realized after someone commented that I had, in fact, looked something up last night and I forgot to cite where I found that information.

—>  “Many children do not even develop the muscle control needed until they reach about 18 – 30 months to use the bathroom under their own control.”

The ages of a child holding their bladder I did have to look up and they were found at www.mom.me

Under the article “At What Age Do Kids Gain Control of Their Bladder?”



10 thoughts on “Why We Are Not Potty Training Now Or Ever

  1. Alexis says:

    You know you should site any resources you or people you quote. Some of this sounds like it came from potty training guides and not just your own words.

    • Thank you. Sitting here I did realize I did forget to cite something. The rest simply comes from having raised a large family. I always try to give credit where it is due.

  2. This was an excellent read, super relatable right now!!
    My daughter is 19 months and showing ALL those signs but won’t use the potty… so I’m very passive about it and everyone’s giving me a hard time. I don’t want to stress her out or cause an anxiety or fear before it further develops into a health problem!
    Thank you for understanding!!!!

    • Little Miss will be 3 in late September. She is just now showing real interest but, it tends to wax and wane. Thank you for stopping by and the nice comments. The best advice I was ever given by my own mother. “You are her mom, no one knows her better than you.” I would go with your gut always 🙂

  3. Thank you. My youngest is 3 yo and shows very little interest in the potty. She’s starting to sit on the potty more, but without going, and that’s about it. I’m constantly going between thinking “she’s fine, no one goes off to college wearing diapers, when she’s ready, she’ll do it” or thinking we really need to push more. I’ll take the word of a Mom of 8 on this! Thanks for sharing!

  4. Yes! After going through this with two kids I now tell people I don’t believe in potty training. The idea that we can control another person’s bladder is too much to ask of ourselves. All we can do is support and explain and cheer them on when they get it.

  5. Caroline says:

    Love this post! My first son was terrified of the toilet until 5. But we got there in the end. My other son is 2.5 and he shows no interest, so I’m not stressing. Funny how everyone else has an opinion!

  6. Very interesting. My kiddo will be 3 in November and somedays he will let us know he wants to go and other days he just goes in the diaper. Of course our parents and family members think we’re not doing enough but when he gets tired of being wet, I’m sure he will express more interest. Never seen an article like this before, so really cool read.

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