Becoming a mother-in-law is not always an easy role.
Perhaps because society has labeled many of us crazy, overbearing, rude and full of terrible parenting advice. However, that is not always the norm. I was so excited when my son met you and even more so when he told me you were the one he would marry. If he loves you then I know I should love you as well and I do.
- Please be patient with me. This mother-in-law role is new for me. I will make mistakes, say the wrong things, even be annoying. The hard truth is at times I will feel you have done the same to me. Our relationship is a new one. Please give it time. Don’t make up your mind about me just yet.
- My children will always be my children. When he walks in I will feed him, I will also feed you and any other person who walks into my home. I will tell him to wipe his feet, wash his hands and a million other things I have been telling him his whole life. It is a Mama thing. Once you are a Mama you are in fact always a Mama. I know he is grown and I am so proud of him. But, he is still my son.
- When he said he was getting married I was happy. Happy he found his soul mate and happy that you would be added to our family. I do not view marriage as you taking my son away but me gaining a daughter. Just as I hope your parents feel they have gained as well.
- I do not think my son is perfect and while other mother-in-laws do it I won’t sit there and take his side if he is wrong. Truthfully I would rather not take any side.
- My door is always open to my children… So if you want a cup of coffee or just some company. I am always here. However, I do respect your home and privacy and will not come over without asking. Don’t think I do not love you. I respect your space out of love.
- Please do not think that I feel you should be perfect. I know you are perfect for my son and that is all that matters. I do not expect you to be a mini me or even do things the way I do. My own son does not. So if I am not judging you please extend me the same kindness and love.
- Please do not be upset with me if my son comes to me for advice. I am not meddling. I am simply telling him my ideas and that is all they are. Sometimes us old people have had some really good life experience and do have things to offer. Sometimes our advice sucks. So as with everything in life, it can be taken or left.
- I am human. I spent 18 + holidays with my son. Just like your parents did with you. Expect us not to feel joy on either side when we miss you on holidays. I know you want to do holidays your way just as we did with our children. However, if I felt joy not to be seeing you all during the holidays that would be slightly concerning in itself. Please do not think my disappointment is hate, anger, or bitterness I know you all have a life and family that extends past me.
- I have raised 8+ children. I know you will raise your children your way. If I open my mouth and step on your toes I apologize. Raising my children was my entire world. Sometimes my thoughts slip out of my mouth and I know, I know. My advice is not always welcome, needed, or even for that matter right. Regardless I know you are/will be a wonderful mother.
- Sweetheart, my house is not filthy, but it is not always (really ever) showroom clean. Please never think I expect that of you. When I come see you. I don’t care about that. What I care about is seeing the people I love happy and smiling.
- I am a homemaker and if you work outside the home that is wonderful. Here is the thing though. I do not look down on you in any way shape or form for working. I think we are all intended to be different and we should embrace that. Being a homemaker or a working woman does not us better than one another it makes us different.
- I am my own person I am not an on-call babysitter. Please remember I raised my own family and I am still raising children. I don’t care if you ask.Please do. I even feel honored and loved when you do ask. But, please do not be offended or angry if I have other plans or simply do not feel like it. It is no reflection of how much I love you or your children.
- Remember that just as I am not responsible for my sons every good quality, I am also the not reason for every bad one. Please don’t hate me because of his flaws or think I caused them. As parents, we always do the best we can and it hurts when it gets back to me how you think I have “damaged” him. You do not know what is or was in my heart. Parenting is the hardest journey we all take. Along the way, I have made mistakes. Yes, I know he does not pick up after himself. So in advance, I am so sorry. 🙂
- When it comes to your children I do care about how you parent. I care so much that if you tell me not to do something you can 100% be assured I will not do it. However please do not take offense if I ask questions. I am not being nosey or intrusive. I am learning from you. It really is that simple. We all have things to learn. You are valuable to me as are your insites and ideas.
- I never got the opportunity to meet my mother-in-law. She passed away when my husband way a teen. I didn’t get to see her tears as I promised to love her son until death do us part. I never got to watch her hold her grandbabies for the first time and love them in only the way she could have. I never got to love her or even be angry with her. I never got to ask her things about her son that only she would know or hear stories from her point of view about who he was as a child. She never even got to know that he was loved and cared for by the gentle caring hands of another woman so she could rest easy. Us mother-in-laws are blessings just as you are to me.Thank you for loving my son in the way only you can.
This post was inspired by the blog post 20 THINGS I WISH I COULD TELL MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
Please hop on over there and read her blog as well because her honesty as a daughter in law is truly refreshing.